I recently finished reading Notes from Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky, and it’s been sitting heavily on my mind. First published in 1864, the book is often called one of the earliest existentialist novels, and after reading it, I can see why. It is raw and deeply philosophical.
The story is told by the “Underground Man,” an unnamed narrator who has isolated himself from society. He’s a retired civil servant living in St. Petersburg, and he spends his days trapped in his own thoughts. His voice is bitter and scathing, full of contradictions, but also painfully honest. What struck me most about him is his self-awareness: he knows exactly how flawed he is, yet seems unable or unwilling to change. It is frustrating to read at times, and uncomfortably familiar: most of us can name our own bad habits and still fail to break them.
One of the central themes of the book is free will. The Underground Man pushes back against the idea that humans are purely rational and always act in their best interest. Instead, he argues that people sometimes make irrational choices simply to prove they can, just to assert their freedom. It is an idea that still lands. In a culture that prizes optimisation and efficiency, that stubborn insistence on irrationality feels distinctly human.
Another theme that stood out to me was loneliness. The Underground Man is deeply alienated, and yet he craves connection. His interactions with other people, especially Liza, are painful to watch. He wants to be understood, but he sabotages every chance he gets. The scenes with Liza are especially moving: she offers him compassion and a chance at redemption, but he lashes out at her, pushing her away. It’s heartbreaking, but also a reminder of how fear and insecurity can prevent us from accepting kindness when we need it most.
What stays with me is how little the Underground Man has dated. Written more than 150 years ago, his bitterness, his self-doubt and his need to prove something to himself and others still read as familiar. Dostoevsky offers no easy answers; he makes you sit with the uncomfortable parts of human nature.
Notes from Underground is not an easy read. It unsettles you and stays with you long after you close it, and that is the point. It asks hard questions about who we are and what it really means to be free.
If you want a book that goes properly into the human psyche and does not flinch from it, read this one. It is a demanding read, and it will stay with you.